I feel like I have had inspiration with the boys I date, or don't date. My mom often got mad at me because I wouldn't go out with a certain boy or something, but it was because I didn't feel right. I feel like I have wrote about this before in my other blog so sorry if this is old news to you...Anyway. Sometimes I think I'm a mess, damaged goods, that I will be alone forever. But that is because I live in freaking Utah and all my friends are married and stuff. But really..I have been in some really bad relationships, and I blame myself, I fall too fast and too hard...But I am out of them and I know what I did wrong and how to fix those things. I wrote about this in my other blog, but when I worked at Old Navy I asked my manager if her and her fiance ever fight and she said no. I said "whoah that is so weird, I have fought with all of my ex boyfriends!" and she said "Maybe thats why you aren't with them anymore" It's true. It wasn't meant to be. UGH I would be miserable if I was still with them. But I have learned so much!! I think the thing that makes me mad is that I was so nice to everyone I have dated, maybe that was the problem, that I could never stick up for myself. I just wanted a relationship so bad I would do anything to make them happy..And then after my last boyfriend I went through a dry spell and told myself I will not do that again, and I haven't. I haven't dated anyone just "cause" and honestly, it's what I needed. I needed a break, but I'm ready now.. I want to fall so madly in love I can't see straight. I want feel something REAL. I want him to be my best friend...I want it to actually last. UGH like I said yesterday, I write best when I'm emotional...well here ya go, being emo. I just don't know what's going to happen in my life. But whatever it is..I can't wait.