I have thought about writing a new blog for days. But things happen and I get tired or there's laundry to do or a baby to feed! But as I'm sitting here feeding that precious human being at 11 o clock, her usual first awakening of the night, I keep waking her up because I am sniffing and crying. I seem to cry a lot during the late night feedings. At first it's because I'm frustrated and had just barely fallen asleep, but then it turns into pure happiness. Once I have calmed her down and look at her sweet face, I am so overjoyed that I made her and that she is mine. This perfect human being in my arms, she's mine. Forever. I will always be her mom!
But for some reason this child doesn't sleep very well! People always told me "get your sleep in now because you won't get any soon enough" When I was pregnant. I knew that, and trust me, I slept a lot. But you can't really prepare to get "no sleep" .
Our nights are filled with many awakenings and rocking/nursing back to sleep. I had tried everything from swaddling, not swaddling, oatmeal before bed, none before bed, nightlight, no light, fan, no fan, and 50 other things. But we soon found out, she just wants to be close to us. She needs to feel that comfort and closeness of her mom and dad. So yes there has been a few occasions of me getting into her crib with her, and her sleeping in our bed, but I am okay with that. I am do glad I can be her comfort. She was in my tummy for 9 months and basically is attached me now, so it's understandable why she doesn't want to sleep on the big crib all alone! I would sleep in her crib every night if I could, but I do need my own sleep and I do want her to sleep on her sometime:)
I've finally come to the realization, I will never sleep through the night again. I want more kids(but have contemplated not having anymore so I could sleep) and between breastfeeding, pregnancy, nightmares, worrying, I will never sleep again! Which is a very big adjustment coming from me who can sleep 12+ hours a night. But that's motherhood! So I will cuddle that sweet baby all night if I have to (which I have) and I will do it over and over again because in a few months I'm sure she won't want to be cuddled and rocked and I will be so sad! I will cherish every late night feeding, and if you see me being a zombie you know why :)
:) While Olivia does sleep good, I can totally relate to this. There are so many things that once were important, but now just fade into the background. For instance... The gym use to be my everything. It made me super happy. I still go to the gym, but not like I use to. You know what though? She makes me so much more happy then the gym ever could. The same with getting ready, or having my house look clean. We will never get these moments back, so I say cherish while you can. Harper is a sweet sweet girl, she just loves her mommy. No one can fault her for that. :)
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